I’m wrapped around my dog’s paw, and it’s so sad

When I am at home, there is basically not a moment, even when I am sleeping or using the bathroom, that my dog, Katniss, is not more than a few feet—usually mere inches—away from me. My dog and I have been inseparable since the day we adopted her, and life seems impossible without my pup—even when, through her whining, she is occasionally the most annoying living being in the world, aside from Sarah Palin and Oakland Raiders fans. But I’ve had dogs before, so I had somewhat of an idea of what I was getting into when we adopted a … Continue reading I’m wrapped around my dog’s paw, and it’s so sad

Next time you let your dog kiss you, think of where her mouth has been

My dog has recently taken up the practice of eating other dogs’ poop. She also licks, um, herself regularly, puts her feet in her mouth from time to time, and licks the floor and almost anything else she comes into contact with. On separate occasions I’ve caught Katniss with a frog, a dead snake and a dead bird in her mouth. Have I mentioned she often gives me Katniss kisses™, sometimes unexpectedly on the mouth, because she is very affectionate? As I type this, she is giving my wife about 50 licks on the arm. I’m sure many of you … Continue reading Next time you let your dog kiss you, think of where her mouth has been

My dog, Katniss: ‘This is my house; I have to defend it’

My wife and I were watching “Damages” on Netflix recently, and a dog appeared on the television. My dog, Katniss, a 40-pound German shepherd mix, immediately saw the dog as a threat and let loose a stream of barking louder than one of Lady Gaga’s outfits. After a few minutes she settled down. Later in the same episode there was a knock on the door, and Katniss thought it was a knock on our door. This time she barked for about 10 minutes. We had to pause the episode until she stopped. Glenn Close’s face was frozen on the screen … Continue reading My dog, Katniss: ‘This is my house; I have to defend it’

Bonkers dog kept (mostly) in check with gift from my cousin

Sometimes I’ll see dogs being walked with leashes hooked to their collars, and the dogs are often straining and choking worse than when the WWF’s “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase would put an opponent in his signature sleeper hold, the Million Dollar Dream, when I was a kid watching professional wrestling on TV. It makes me want to smack them. Not DiBiase and his opponent—the dogs’ owners. Besides, I doubt DiBiase would take kindly to being smacked. I’ll try it and let you know what happens. Before Katniss came along, I vowed that when I got a dog of my … Continue reading Bonkers dog kept (mostly) in check with gift from my cousin

Engagement ring disappears; does my dog like to eat carats?

“Where’s my ring?” my wife said anxiously as she scoured the bedroom. She hates losing things. Sunglasses are often the most common casualty, which is surprising as my wife is more organized than a Trapper Keeper.* I don’t like it when she loses something, either—especially if I bought it for her, like, say, an engagement ring. We searched the house—and her car and anywhere else we could think of—for her ring. All the while Katniss, our 40-pound German shepherd mix, lounged on the bed like a queen gazing upon her realm. As most people do when they lose things, my … Continue reading Engagement ring disappears; does my dog like to eat carats?

To spay or not to spay: Making big decisions for dogs feels like playing god

One of the first things my wife and I did when we got Katniss was get her spayed. Actually, the very first thing we did, if I remember correctly, was give her a bath because she smelled like a truck stop restroom. After she was spayed she had to wear one of those plastic cones around her head for a while (pink, of course) to make sure she didn’t mess with her stitches, and at times we were worried said stitches on her little puppy belly were coming apart. Ultimately, the surgery was successful. When I rub her now-adult tummy—she … Continue reading To spay or not to spay: Making big decisions for dogs feels like playing god

Don’t be a turd—scoop your dog’s poop

If you saw me walking around my neighborhood on a recent weekend morning with my dog and an empty six-pack of beer, it wasn’t because I was hammered and needed Katniss to guide me home. The empty six-pack was found on the side of the road; I used it to pick up a “gift” from Katniss, number two* of our walk. I had already used the lone bag I was carrying for her first “gift,” so my options were limited. But I wanted to be a good neighbor and pick up after her—and, I’ll admit, there are times when I … Continue reading Don’t be a turd—scoop your dog’s poop

My dog and I own the sidewalk! … Unless you need it

It happens all the time: Katniss and I are walking on the sidewalk in our ‘hood, and someone, or several someones, is walking toward us. Who gets to use the sidewalk? Who should yield? (Side note: Whenever I think of people yielding to one another, I think of “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” and Robin Hood asking Little John if he yields—gives up—as they fight in the middle of a river. You know the movie, the one with Kevin Costner as Robin Hood? It took me until last year—23 years after the film’s release—to realize Costner never took on an … Continue reading My dog and I own the sidewalk! … Unless you need it